Climbing Your Mountain & Finding Hope Despite Your Five Feet

Okay two things before we start:

1. I think we should all just start expecting posts every quarter from me- the only time I have five extra minutes or anything to write about is when I'm not in school and I'M SORRY.

2. I have a lottt of points I'm trying to get across in this post and I'm doing my absolute best to have them all tie in and make sense but its a lil difficult for some reason so I'll just apologize now if this is a tad confusing.

okay onto the actual point.

I’m not going to lie- when my family decided we would spend our spring break skiing I was super nervous. Okay all of you pro skiers reading this you’re going to have to bear with me, ITS SCARY THE FIRST TIME. If you know anything about me at all you know I’m painfully unathletic and terrified of heights, so as I’m sure you can imagine, skiing was never at the top of my list.

When we arrived at the mountain for our lesson on Tuesday morning, my heart was pounding. Probably because it’s a dang workout to put on that much gear and the altitude is lot for me but also because there was a very real possibility I wouldn’t make it out alive. (u guys already know i’m dramatic right?? glad we established that)

Our ski instructor, Marco (Slovenian, coolest guy I’ve ever met nbd), made sure we were comfortable on the flat ground- I had only fallen once!!!- then lead us to a line of people. Just following him and trying to stay upright, I was not paying attention to where we were at all. I was in my own little world of panic until I tuned back in to him saying “just make sure you pull the bar down after you sit”

DO WHAT??

Nope I was not ready to plummet to my death off a ski lift. Nope not happening. but realizing it was nearly our turn and there really wasn’t any going back, I accepted my fate. I didn’t have much time to think and before I knew it the seat was underneath me and I was much too high off the ground. but oh how gorgeous the mountains looked from up there. You could see all of park city to the left, and snow covered mountains for miles straight ahead. and all on the shortest lift on the mountain!!!

Fast forward two days and I had-not to brag or anything but- MASTERED that baby slope. I only ran into a pole once!!! I was killing it. (I’m sorry I’m done) 

Anyways I let my family talk me into the “upper first time slope” as they called it. Oh yeah that’s ADVANCED. I was ready. I was gonna pizza slice my way down that thing like a PRO. 

After a slightly longer ski lift ride (very slight ok) I was at the top of the slope watching my seven year old cousin disappear down the mountain with no problem. Determined to go really slow, I was much farther behind my family. Pizza slice baby- it was saving my life.

Well. I thought it was until I realized you can't pizza slice down the whole way without gaining speed. WHY WOULD MARCO NOT TELL ME THAT. So naturally, I panicked.

Trying not to totally wipe out, I attempted to control the fall, but I was also not informed that when you try to sit down in skis, THEY DON'T STOP MOVING. There went my poles in the snow and on I went, a little squat ball of panic down the easiest slope there was. As I realized this had the potential to end quite badly I threw myself onto my stomach to stop, clipped out of my skis, and hiked all the way back up to my poles. After a good ten minutes of trying with little success to clip back in as my entire family watched from the bottom of the slope, I gave up. Gathering all of my equipment in my arms, I began the only option I had left- butt scooting.

Once I FINALLY made it down I was over it. My dad bought my fifth caramel macchiato of the week and a cookie and I was set. That’s enough skiing for me, I'll just drink my coffee and go.

But I’m the type of person who can’t do anything without thinking about how I’m going to tell the story later. and falling and giving up just wouldn’t do. I had to have something better to tell all eight of you guys!!!

So back I went.

and down I went. Upright the entire time!!! 

that’s right you’re looking at an UPPER FIRST TIME SKIER LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 

As dumb as it sounds, there are few times in my life that I've ever felt so proud of myself. Don't get me wrong- I'm really bad. Like really really bad. But I did something that scared me and even when the first attempt didn't go as planned, I tried again. And that's not something I can talk myself into everyday.

It reminds me of a post I come across every so often- 

"draw stick figures. sing off key. write bad poems. sew ugly clothes. run slowly. flirt clumsily. play video games on easy. you do not need to be good at something to enjoy the act. talent is overrated. do things you like doing. it's ok to suck."

and wowww it makes me smile every time. because its so. true. It is okay to suck!!! We're all so obsessed with what everyone will think, or how we'll look. And don't get me wrong, I'm more guilty of this than anyone. But I'm learning this more everyday. Its okay if my friends have been skiing blacks since they were eight!! I had fun on that green!! And thats what matters.

And it was the same with snowmobiling- I was terrified. but I ended up having the most fun ever and getting without a doubt the coolest picture I have ever posted.

yes I'll hold for applause.

Now, this all sounds incredibly trivial. and it is. yay you overcame a tiny fear like the rest of us!!! I get it.

but these experiences were the most fun I've had in a really long time. and they reminded me how important those moments are. When you're laughing so hard you can't breathe, or feeling on top of the world after accomplishing something you had convinced yourself was impossible. It's really a beautiful thing to let yourself feel that kind of happiness. and in a lot of ways, I think its what life is all about- the things you'll never forget.

I realized this, and thought about it hard, as I admired the gorgeous view of the Park City mountains. In that moment I don't think I'd ever felt luckier. To have gotten to experience such exciting things and beautiful places. To be surrounded by my family screaming over a pool game in the background. I just couldn't get over how beautiful life could be.

And it was. But later that night, I somehow found myself in tears.

Scrolling through twitter reading about the sudden death of a young girl I had looked up to for years. And the mourning of so many over the loss of a well loved actor. And the tragedy that took too many, an ocean away. The world felt so dark. I just couldn't understand how I could spend my day feeling so much happiness and freedom and love while all of these horrible things were going on. Suddenly, even though I'd been filled with light less than two hours before, everything felt hopeless.

I came home happy with my trip, but this heaviness continued to weigh on my heart. I just couldn't get that little sadness out of my mind. This little voice in the back of my head reminding me how much evil there was in the world.

And then I saw Five Feet Apart.

If you don't know, Five Feet Apart is a movie about two teenagers who suffer from Cystic Fibrosis. I'll link the trailer here, and if you have the opportunity please please see it. And bring tissues. And do not under any circumstances wear mascara.

I pinky promise I won't spoil anything but you guys this movie!!! It was so heartbreaking yet so beautiful all at once. I don't think I stopped crying the entire time, yet somehow found myself laughing out loud through big ugly tears. I think what made it so touching was how real it was. I won't say too much about Cystic Fibrosis, because obviously I still have a lot to learn about it and I really don't want to speak on something before I'm educated. But I have been reading a lot about it, and I've seen so so many stories that really really touched my heart. I read a ton of them here if you want to check them out- I highly recommend it!! At first, learning about these intense struggles these young kids have had to face almost put me back in that dark place I had been in days before. Almost.

But then I realized. Yes its horribly unfair that such sad things exist in the world. But in the face of those hardships, these were kids who fought, and continue to fight, through it. I can't even begin to describe the respect I have for each and every single person affected in any way by this illness. Or any illness for that matter. It truly is amazing how they were able to be so strong. And that was when it really hit me just how much hope there can be in this dark world. The kids in the movie had to cope with their five feet. And the amazing kids in real life keep fighting.

And so I continued to think. Maybe all of this craziness I've tried to express to you in this post is all one big lesson to be learned.

I skied even though the thought terrified me. I overcame my mountain, and although it was a small one, it made me feel so good.

The main characters in Five Feet Apart learned to find hope, despite their five feet. It was something they couldn't change, but somehow they dealt with it- and were stronger for it.

And although these seem wildly unrelated, the more I think about it, the more I truly believe- these are two of the most important lessons we can learn. To climb our mountains, and to find hope despite our five feet.

I think we all have mountains. Things that scare us. Whether its something silly like skiing or a math test, or truly life altering fears- we have the ability to overcome them.

I also think we all have our five feet. Things we don't have the ability to change. Maybe its something like Stella and Will's that puts everything else into perspective. Or maybe its not so huge. We all have baggage. And if so many kids in the face of CF can learn to find hope, I think the rest of us can too.

SO. Next time we're feeling anxious, or frustrated with a circumstance we can't change, I hope we can all remember that its part of life. I say "we" because I'm learning it too. Its not easy to see the bigger picture when you're living the struggle, I know that. But there is one. And I promise, whether you're climbing or learning to cope, you will get through it. 

xoxo, em

AND:

In watching this film and writing this post, I really had it on my heart to do at least a little something to help the fight against CF. 

SO I got online and I bought this pure vida set which gives 25% of net profits to the Legacy Foundation, a nonprofit that provides equipment and other necessary resources for CF patients. I'll leave the link here if you want them!!

I know its not much, but I'm a huge believer that every little bit truly does help.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9