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Monday, April 13, 2020

I hope we never go back to normal — a letter to the class of 2020. or any class really.

Class of 2020. We grew up thinking that was the coolest year to graduate. I can still picture the first time I saw it written down on an NCL name tag. I was in seventh grade and it seemed like light years away at the time.

But somehow it’s here. and it’s nothing like we had once pictured. I’ll only speak for myself, but I spent the last four years practically counting down the days until senior year. I was never one to dream of senior prom like it was going to be the best night of my life, but I had seen High School Musical 3 enough times to have high expectations. I’ve had my white dress to wear under my cap and gown in my online shopping cart for years. Coming into 2020, I was fully prepared for April and May to be the busiest months of my life. I had had these events on my calendar for years. My sister was supposed to get confirmed, I had events every other weekend, and I couldn’t wait to order new outfits for grad parties all before my 18th birthday and graduation trip of a lifetime. I went into spring break so excited for one last week of relaxation before the absolute chaos that was to follow. and I couldn’t wait. 

For all of that to come crashing down— it’s a weird thing. To lay in bed all day when I should’ve been at hair appointments and meeting friends for photos before senior recognition. To white out “senior prom” in my planner and replace it with a zoom meeting ID. To hang up the outfits that were once picked out for senior pictures, wishing I had just taken them a week earlier. I have to be honest: I’m disappointed. and I’m sad. and it makes me uncomfortable to even say that because so many people have it so. much. worse. 

As I'm sure you all know, the state of the world right now breaks my heart. I can't let myself watch the news anymore, I cry every time. Hearing from people in New York or from all of my family back in New Orleans just blows my mind. We’re experiencing this insane level of tragedy all at once and I don’t even know how to process it. I don’t think anyone does. 

So I hate that I’m sad over a long dress I’ll never wear or a college orientation I’ll have to do online. I even hate seeing people post things like "pray for our seniors." like we're somehow the victims in all of this. because in the grand scheme of things it’s just not that big of a deal. Especially compared to what most people are going through.

HOWEVER. One thing I’m constantly having to teach myself is that pretending like you don’t have feelings does not make them go away. As much as I really wish it did, I actually think it might make them worse. What I’m trying to say here is that everyone is sad and disappointed over what’s been canceled. and you’re allowed to be! Just because someone else’s pain may seem greater, it doesn’t make yours go away. By not feeling your emotions you’re not helping those people who have it worse, all you’re doing is hurting yourself. 

And y'all I’m the poster child for this!!! I hate crying (everyone reading this is like damn u cry a lot for someone who hates it but really. I hate it). I hate letting myself get that sad because I feel like I’m giving in and feeling sorry for myself when I should be feeling sorry for others. but I promise— I know first hand— that mentality only makes things worse. 

It’s okay to be sad. and maybe if we let ourselves be sad, then later we’ll feel okay enough to find a lesson to be learned in all of this.

In this seemingly endless time of waiting, I’m doing everything I can to focus on finding the purpose of this time we were given. because I know God has to have one.

I think in a lot of ways this time spent apart can be a reset. 

I don’t know about you guys, but I would do anything to have a normal day. I just want to wake up at 6am to my screeching alarm and run out the door to make sure I have enough time to stop for coffee. I want to squeeze into my parking spot at school and trek all the way across the lot to my first period. I want to sit in traffic leaving school and spend too much money on eating out and sit in the Starbucks parking lot for way too long wasting gas money with my friends. I would even go to practice!!! OR STATS CLASS! I just miss normal.

But here’s the thing— I never want to go back. Never again do I want to wake up to my alarm and groan because I have to go to school. Never again do I want to not enjoy every sip of my morning coffee in the 7am school traffic. Never again do I want to wish a school day away. From now on I hope we squeeze our friends a little tighter when we hug goodbye. I hope we soak up every moment of mundane target runs or dinners with friends. I hope we never take for granted a night out or an upcoming concert. I hope this teaches us to appreciate life. because it’s showing us how quickly we can miss things that once seemed unimportant. Like how a quick wave goodbye to a friend you assumed you would see the next day would become months wishing you had given them one last hug. or how a rushed lunch after school would become the last time you saw your favorite restaurant.

Life is so fragile. 

And while I know the day will come that we all return to groaning at our alarms and wishing the days away, I hope we can stop for a minute and remember these months we spent longing for those simple actions. because I don’t really ever want to go “back to normal.”

So to my fellow seniors (or anyone really), I know we’re sad. and that’s okay. But my hope is that we can turn this sadness into a different kind of normal. One where we share a greater appreciation for everyday. One where a birthday party or a music festival feel like a miracle— because we know a time when it seemed to be. One where we never take for granted a handshake from a stranger or a hug from a friend. and one where we take the time to appreciate the unimportant things. because I don’t really want to go back to “normal.”



If you read this far I love you so much and I hope you’re staying safe and healthy. My grampy texted me yesterday— “this too shall pass.” and he knows everything. Stay strong, we’re in this together.

*air hugs*
-em

“Be devoted to one another in love, honor one another above yourselves” Romans 12:10

If anyone reading this is in the position to donate to those in need you can do so here:
http://www.feedingamerica.org

There are plenty of charities in need right now but I just thought I would leave this one here because I have read so much about it and I know they are doing some really amazing things. It is such a beautiful thing to see the humanity and selflessness being shown amid this dark time and it is my hope that we can continue to look to that and be there for one another, although we are apart. <3

2 comments:

  1. From the mouths of the young. We all should take note!

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  2. Love it. Glad Warrior Momz sent us here. Our nonprofit has been seeing firsthand just how fragile life can be in working with people with transplants or catastrophic injuries/illnesses whose "new normal" was obliterated in an instant. Now everyone is getting one step closer to understanding that #LifeIsFragile but hope and community keep us together.

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